Hope, Power, Healing and Meaning

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Molly Malone and Andrew Rakowski at LOG #88

We’ve had four posts of high school kids that have had significant experiences at LOG. One of finding faith, one of using God’s gifts to focus on Him, one of growing and loving God, and one of coming back. It made me begin to think…

I am here still waiting, I still have my doubts, I am damaged at best.

What if you’re still lost? What if you didn’t find what others have? What if you can’t remember why you come back to team? What if you feel jaded and lost? What if you’re still searching for something more? What if LOG is a place of hiding more than a place of acceptance?

I’m barely breathing, with a broken heart that’s still beating.

So, let me tell you the story of a girl. A girl who was just looking for somewhere to go that wasn’t home. LOG was a hiding place. She could go and pretend that she wasn’t scared. She could go and pretend that she wasn’t hurt and broken. She could pretend and nobody would guess otherwise. LOG was the sanctuary she needed to escape reality, so she put on a mask to fit somewhere she didn’t feel she belonged. She would sit through obstacle circles too scared to share the truth. She was barely holding on in a world that was falling apart.

Hanging on another day, just to see what you will throw my way.

I can relate each team I was on in high school to a significant obstacle in my life. #34 my sister killed herself halfway through the team process. #37 (my spirit leader) struggled with my health and spent most of the time trying to hide that I was in the hospital and going through testing. #39 struggled with the loss of significant relationships in my life, which then carried over to #40 of which I ultimately ended up dropping. #45 my mom was beginning chemo after having a double mastectomy for breast cancer, and I got diagnosed with the first of two chronic illnesses. Through each team I also struggled with my own self-image and not really feeling like I “fit.” There was always a question of what my purpose was and how God fit into that.

I may have lost my way now, haven’t forgotten my way home.

I’m 24 and back as an adult, and I’m not always sure why. I struggle. Like owner of the struggle bus, let me guide you to Struggletown kind of struggle. I listen to you as teenagers and even adults know exactly what LOG means to you and why you come back, but sometimes I struggle to know my own reason. I struggle to know if this is where I’m supposed to be.

In the pain, is there healing?

The healing doesn’t always come in the way we think it will. For me it came in many ways. It came in being pushed to my limits. It came in coming back to LOG and having to face the past. It came in letting go. It came in giving you, the team members, the advice that I always needed to hear. It came in tears. It came in hugs. It came in conversation. It came years later. It came slowly and all at once. It came in going through the motions. It came in Kumbaya at 88. The healing will continue and the struggles aren’t over, but there’s new meaning in what I do at LOG.

In your name, I find meaning, and I’m holdin’ on.

I have found a hope in watching you as teenagers work through your struggles to become stronger warriors for God’s Kingdom. I’m holding on to the light that shines through you. There is hope, power, and healing in our broken, damaged lives. There is hope, power, and healing in our obstacles and unknowing. There is hope, power, and healing in the most unexpected places. It took you to give LOG meaning, and to give me a reason.

I pray that you don’t leave LOG meetings or weekends and pick right back up where you were in your obstacles when you came. I pray that LOG becomes a place of healing and hope that it wasn’t for me. I pray that you find exactly what you’re looking for. I pray that you find a community that is going to see through to your struggle and lift you up. I pray that you don’t get stuck between a rock and a hard place. I pray that if you don’t find those things that you will reach out. I pray that you find healing, and meaning.

Blessings in the New Year,

Molly Malone
Special Education Teacher
Participant LOG 29 (*clap*)

Italicized portions from the song “Broken” as recorded by Trisha Yearwood. The Passion: New Orleans Music from the Live Television Event

Special thanks to Molly Malone for suggesting the new LOGblog series of reflections from LOGgers (and LOG alums).  If you would like to contribute to the new LOGblog, please contact Molly or Terry McBride.

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Start the New Year Off – With Singing

Sunday, January 1, 2017
10am – Memorial Presbyterian Church on Portage Road

Join us to sing for this small church that has been so supportive of MYM / LOG.  Terry will lead the worship and the message will be a video called “Music Box”.

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Mark your calendars – invite your family and friends!
Ice Skating Fundraiser for MYM / LOG

Tuesday, January 3, 2017
3-5pm at the Ice Box in South Bend
$10 / person (skate rental included)
$20 / family (immediate family only please)

All proceeds will go to MYM / LOG 🙂

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PLEASE READ

Teams will be starting in just a week or so.  But, as of this writing, we do not have enough people on the LOG #89 team to move forward.

I know everyone wants to be on team with their friends, but this is where we need some people to step up and out and take a risk to make new friends

Team are forming for next season:
LOG #89 – March 10-12 – Thursday night team meetings
– Coleaders: Aliya Bralick and Nick Williams
LOG #90 – March 17-19 – Sunday 2-4pm team meetings
– Coleaders: Emily Oppman and Lexis White
LOG #91 – March 24-26 – Sunday 4:30pm – 6:30pm team meetings
– Coleaders: Ashley Decker and Theresa Leyba

Sign up at http://www.michianayouth.org/team

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